Fully Known, Deeply Loved

My youngest of my four kiddos turned 3 this week. I’ve been reflecting on how amazing these past three years of watching her grow have been, and how fast they’ve flown by. And as often happens with the kids’ birthdays, I got to thinking about the day she was born and I got to meet her face to face for the first time. 

Little E’s birth was such a different experience from the first three kids in many ways, but it did share one very unique feature with all my delivery stories. With the birth of little baby E, I didn’t have to use Pitocin to get labor started and keep it progressing, which was such a blessing. The tone of the whole delivery was more relaxed without the Pitocin. 

One feature that her delivery shares with the rest is the particular sound I make when the baby is coming, when the baby is just a moment away from making a debut appearance, I have a sound I make that I do not control. By baby 2, my husband and I pretty well learned my cues; by baby 3 we for sure knew that sound was the most important sound for the day. By baby 4, there was no doubt what sound mattered more to me and my husband than any other sounds in that hospital. 

When my second child was born, I had recently moved to a new state. I told my new doctor about my rapid delivery with my first baby. Since we lived almost 30 minutes away from the hospital, she suggested we consider a planned induction to avoid delivering the baby on the drive to the hospital. My husband and I agreed that not having a baby in the car sounded like a good plan, so we went with the planned induction. All of my babies were delivered quickly with the doctors barely making it to the room in time for the delivery.

On the day little baby E was born, we had a few different nurses throughout the morning shift change. We told each one about our delivery history and our plan with my doctor to make sure the doctor arrived in time for the delivery. Once the shift changes settled down, we shared in depth the stories of my past 3 deliveries with our nurse for the rest of the day. The nurse assured us many times that she was comfortable delivering the baby if the doctor couldn’t make it in time. Each time she told us a story of a baby she had delivered without a doctor we reminded her we had a solid plan with our doctor to make sure she was there, after 3 deliveries with the same short amount of time between entering transition labor and delivering the baby we knew what to expect and our doctor was ready. Our doctor came to check in and knew we were close  to entering transition labor, and would be shortly after that ready to deliver, so she told us and our nurse that she would be charting at the nursing station just across the hallway from our door. 

The plan was in place, things were good. And then…

I officially started transition labor, so we reminded the nurse that this was the time to tell the doctor she should head into the room. Our nurse said she would do that in just a minute; she wanted to get the tray all ready for the doctor. I could feel the progression of labor and knew we were running out of time, so we asked our nurse again to tell the doctor it was time. She said she just wanted to get clean bedding down for me first. At this point I’m standing right next to the bed. I can feel that within 1 minute or less this baby is coming. I’m trying not to spiral in frustration. As the nurse finished fussing with the sheets, it happened—the noise that could only mean one thing. My husband and I talked about it later (there was no time in the moment). We were both planning on how we could catch the baby from a standing or squatting delivery position. We nearly did have to catch her. As soon as the sheets were sorted out enough and I had space to sit, I did. About 30 seconds later my little girl arrived. I looked up to see that my doctor had just made it into the room at the same time.

I realized in all this reflection I’ve been doing on the blessing it is to be so well known by my husband, that God knows me even better. God knows my every need better than my amazing husband ever could. God knows me so well He knew I’d need such an incredibly supportive husband. God knew I would need the friends and family I have. He knew I’d make the mistakes that I have made, am making, will make. God knew I was the right mom for my 4 amazing children (this one is hard to admit on the hard mom days where I feel like all I’m doing is failing {but, see the point above about God knowing my flaws and mistakes}). God sees not just what makes me successful in the world’s eyes, but the whole of me, in all my brokenness. And God still invites me into His work with Him! How AMAZING?! 

I was on a walk in the Laumeier Sculpture Park with some friends recently, and we saw one sculpture of a silhouette of a man with a large number written across his body. The plaque describing the piece gave me the sense that the artist feels lost in society, like just another number out of the masses. I think in a culture that idolizes busy and hurry it can be easy to feel lost and insignificant. It’s easy to buy into the lie that we are just one more person on this planet trying to get by, but we’ve got it all wrong. God knows us by name. The creator of the universe knows us deeply and loves us more than we can ever really grasp. 

It’s something we don’t stop to think about enough. We get so distracted by the busy pace of this life; we get sucked into comparison games (in real-life and on social media), and with all our focus on our place in this world we forget that our true home is with our Father in Heaven who loves us.

When we really understand the truth that God, who created us, truly knows us and loves us, it changes everything. It allows us to really accept God’s grace, knowing that He knows all our sins and died for us anyway. Understanding that God truly knows us allows us to pursue His calling on our lives, trusting that He knows our strengths and weaknesses and that, despite any flaws we see, He knows we are the person He wants to do the work He sets before us. Understanding that God knows us fully allows us to trust in His provision, knowing that He knows even better than we do what we need and He will provide for us what we need, often in unexpected ways. 

I encourage you to take this knowledge to heart and carry it with you today, and every day.